garrison beau scott

it seems sometimes everything exists so i can go out walking with my camera.

the idea, albeit it a very abstract one, of knowing where you’re going, yet having never been there, excites me to no end. call it foreshadowing, deja vu, transcendental tourism, or just good ol’ fashioned out of body experience. whatever it is, sign me up.

of course, for the ticket to be punched in the first place, an insane amount of freedom is required. i only use the qualifier insane, as most people would label it as such, having never been able to experience the kind of freedom i am talking about. for shame.

but that brings up another matter completely. why society as a whole seems to be complacent to just see the one option when it is plain for others to see, that there are an infinite amount of directions for us to travel. is it freedom, the fear of such, or is it the opposite of freedom? are we free? are we able to fully choose left, right, or straight ahead?

of course those choices come with repercussions, some of which remain hidden until it’s too late and accountability becomes as interwoven into the experience as the joy of the moment itself, but that’s just part of the freedom, and the reason for any of it to begin with. and even the idea of giving up freedom, is in a way, a freedom in and of itself.

the ultimate in freedom, i feel, manifests itself in the eternal wanderer. gypsy, bedouin, or homeless. there’s just a lot less romanticism in being hungry and cold. why do i bring any of this up? maybe it’s because today i choose to go left. which could be interpreted as the opposite of right. as in the direction or the moral choice. you dear reader, are free to choose.

regarding the last post.

i went with the safe choice. i didn’t throw the tantrum or play the dictatorial card. i hope i’m proven wrong. thanks to all for the advice.

not nearly as destructive as some other influences, but right now, the passion and it’s grip on what i think is right and what others think is right, hence the conflict, is doing it’s fair share of damage.

the vessel in which this conflict exists is mine, i dreamt it, built it, but admittedly had some help, and as such, it’s taken on a grander form than what it would have been had i kept it to myself.

so what is to be done, when 2 people with a similar stake have extremely conflicting views? how to resolve an argument of opinion when the outcome can’t so easily fall into the “let’s agree to disagree” category? unfortunately this isn’t a case of coke or pepsi, a decision has to be made one way or the other and whatever that is, one person will be happy and the other, not.

ultimately, should i want to play the card, i could throw it down and state my preference and be done with it. though i’ve never been one to take the dictatorial route, it is alluring. i could also take the other path and acquiesce, make peace and hope i was wrong all along.

i’ve asked advice on this from a wide range of people, some familiar with this particular issue and some not. while their answers have been helpful, they haven’t been unanimous. that is, i’m still in the same spot as i was last night.

the one thing i continue to hear though, is that despite the experience, despite the list of pros and cons, everyone deserves a chance. and the last thing i want to do is see this all the way to the end, having given in to the other option, and be proven right.

so what it boils down to is, which damned to i take, the one tied to “if you do” or the one tied to “if you don’t?”

not only is the title of this post a pretty good song by the damned, it’s also a pretty cool verb. as the solstice break comes to an end, it’s time to put that verb into play.

to quote beavis, butthead, jimi hendrix, and that one idiot in a crowded theater, “Fire!”